The "Totally Legit" Keto & Climbing Master™
Professional Drone Assassin (Self-Certified)
Definitely Not Compensating For Anything
(According to his mom and his Instagram bio)
Faster than you can say "that's physically impossible!"
*It was parked
"I once saw Sibren eat nothing but bacon for a week and climb a small hill. Then he pointed at a bird and said 'bang.' Truly inspirational."
Has eaten bacon every day for 3 weeks straight. Calls bread "the enemy." His cholesterol levels are "probably fine." Once ate an entire stick of butter to prove a point. Nobody knows what the point was.
Successfully climbed his apartment stairs without stopping. Has a membership at the climbing gym (went twice). Owns $2000 worth of gear for his monthly indoor bouldering session.
Claims 200ms reaction time (measured with a phone app). Has definitely shot down "hundreds" of drones (citation needed). Once threw a rock at a quadcopter and missed by only 20 feet!
Can watch Joe Rogan podcasts for 3 hours straight. Memorized all the keto buzzwords. Believes he's operating at "peak mental performance" after his 5th energy drink.
Takes 47 different pills every morning. His pee glows in the dark from all the vitamins. Spends more on supplements than rent.
Posts shirtless gym selfies with motivational quotes. Has "entrepreneur" in bio (sells protein powder to friends). Every meal photo includes #keto #gains #beastmode.
"Sibren told me he could shoot down any drone in 200ms. I asked him to prove it. He said all the drones were too scared to show up. Can't argue with that logic."